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"A Senile Lament" So that's 40 over, Just 30 more left, & each year it's harder, To buy you a gift. You're stuck in the middle, Your tastes may be strange, So here's a selection to cover the range. To make you feel old, Or make you feel young, Is the tricky dilemma, That we've overcome. With gifts 1 and 2, Which we hope are O.K. There's something to read & something to play. Forget about fashion, And keep out the cold, With sensible footwear, To make you look old. That's gift No. 3, But it's not over yet, There's gift No. 4, To help you forget. But you can't forget when, Hanging out in the park, You were chasing the girls, Until it got dark. Here's a reminder, Girls , music and fun, It's gift No. 5, To make you wish you were young. But you're not! …. & what's more, As your pension's approaching, There's old age experiences That are fast encroaching! Cardigans, dentures, That's two we can mention, & soon you will enter "THE SENILE DIMENSION!" Where greenhouses beckon, And vests seem attractive, The new bed gets old, And you're less and less "active" Corsets and hearing aids, Stewed prunes and toffee, Catherine Cookson, And pills in your coffee. Crosswords and earmuffs, & sensible shoes, Legs under a blanket, Whilst watching the news, Bad hips and baldness, That man on the telly, Hats that are woolly, And pants that are smelly, Schooners of sherry, A thermos of soup, Severe constipation, And pain when you stoop, Turning the sound up, Turning it down, Pulling your trolley, The bus into town, The scrape of your zimmer, & warm embrocation, Your sense of direction, The last coronation ….. (street), Piles, corns and cateracts, Soaking your feet, Complete loss of memory, & sucking your meat. ……but let's not get solemn, Or morbid or glum, There's lots to look forward to, - lots more to come. So look on the bright side, You've still got your health, & the very last pressie, So you can just FEEL YOURSELF! |