A new nightclub has just opened down the road and they are offering unlimited drinks all night for just under 20 quid...So tonight I'm gonna party like it's £19.99...
I'm planning on being more spontaneous in the future.
Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It's an absolute mystery as to why though.The plot thickens...
It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay.I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches.
I saw a poster that said, "Breathing air in metropolitan areas can reduce your life expectancy by 2-3 years".I would imagine that not breathing air would reduce it considerably more.
The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.She hit the roof.
Wind turbines.I'm a big fan.
I got done for shoplifting in ASDA today.I paid for six cans of Sprite at the self checkout, but when security checked my bag he discovered I'd picked seven up.
Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.I nearly dropped my iPhone.
A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today, and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath.I tried to help, but I could only knock one out.
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