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Dad jokes - 28.01.2021

   humour

Here's my collection of very dubious jokes. It's getting quite long now, take a look below the fold:

Askhole, n - one who wants advice then ignores it or complains

Just been assaulted in a health food shop! Someone threw a massive bottle of cod liver oil tablets at me.
Fortunately it's only super fish oil injuries

When one door opens another one closes. Other than that it's a pretty good car.

I used to work at a cats home, but I had to leave. They kept reducing meowers.

I just got some anti gloating cream. I can't wait to rub it in.

Nits are a terrible problem. You'd think people could get their heads together and come up with a solution.

My girlfriend just left me. She says my life revolves around football and she's sick of it.
I'm quite upset. We were together for five seasons.

I got caught stealing full stops...
I'm looking at a lengthy sentence.

I think my wife is covering my rifle collection with glue. She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

"I'm arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia."
"Wait! I can explain everything!"

I hope that after I die, people will say: "He certainly owed me a lot of money!"

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